A Thought On Asking For Help
I often wonder, why are we so reluctant to ask for help. Maybe it’s human nature or something we slowly develop over time.
I remember when my kids were young, they seemed to ask a lot of questions. Questions about the smallest things but big questions too like world peace kind of questions. Maybe that’s how the digression begins. Young kids ask parents or adults questions and we the smart, all-knowing adults respond negatively, or possibly we completely ignore the questions. It’s not some of my proudest moments, but I can recall being busy, trying to get things done and my kids asking me a question and I didn’t take the time to listen and give an honest answer. What about in school when we raised our hand to ask a question and everyone in the class laughs as if it was a dumb question or one everyone should know? It is said, there are no silly questions, but I don’t know anyone who has not been scathed by someone for asking a question.
It is not only about questions but asking for help. It is ingrained in us from a young age that we must be independent, independent in our thinking and our actions. Independence is important. You cannot rely on your parents forever. You cannot rely on your teachers throughout your adult life. However, the result of this push for independence has left many of us afraid, afraid to ask for help. Just like children may become afraid to ask an adult or peer for help, we as adults are afraid to look foolish or look incompetent to our peers, friends, and family.
This becomes extremely dangerous in business. Whether we own our own business or a leader in an organization, asking for help has almost become taboo. From my own experience, I have felt alone running my own business in times of unchartered territory or times of crisis. When “the buck stops here” as President Truman said, our mentality as business owners is, “this is my responsibility, I have got to figure it out”. What about times when we have come to the end of our own resources? Not just money but also knowledge. I heard it once said, “When knowledge ends, frustration begins.”
If we do finally ask for help often it’s too late. We ask for help when the bottom has already dropped out or when the situation has gotten so out of control that we finally give up and ask someone, anyone for help, grasping for straws. Or stubbornly continue to believe that we don’t need anyone’s help, all the way to the end. The end may be to the point of losing a lot of money or the end of our business or job or opportunity.
Why might a business owner or leader be afraid to ask for help? Unfortunately, the same reasons that a child may be afraid to ask for help. We don’t want to look clueless. We are afraid, in one form or another.
It takes the greatest wisdom in the world to ask for help, help at the very beginning of uncharted territories or crises. It takes a leader to seek wisdom from others. I love the quote by Jonathan Tisch, “You’re not going to be great at everything. Surround yourself with people that can compliment you so you can work together and then everybody can be successful.” We as leaders must lead by example and seek the wisdom of a professional trusted advisor. For me, whether in my own business or personally, I must remind myself that asking for help could be one of the smartest moves I can ever make, possibly the difference between realizing my dream and another lost opportunity.